Dandy Cat

i.

It took me longer than I’d care to admit that my 2022 was actually a rewarding year filled with accomplishments. I spent the first several months wallowing in a funk of my own making. The pernicious ability of those self-made funks blinds any who suffer through them from realizing objective truth. While you could be having the best year ever, the funk will darken your skies and spew bile all over your victories. It’s a deadly beast with razor claws and a hunger for happiness.

I say, “Screw that funk!” What’s it ever really done for anyone? It’s high time that I shout out that 2022 was, on the whole, a success. I may not have achieved everything I set out to do in my Year of Just a Little Bit Happier, but I did live up to the name of my chosen theme: I am just a little bit happier.

It took a lot of work to get there, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge how helpful it’s been to start seeing a doctor regularly again and getting on an effective antidepressant. Thank you, escitalopram! If someone had asked me about taking such a medication at this time last year, I probably would have given it a thoughtful brush-off. I’m glad that I realized how helpful it could be. I won’t give it credit for everything—I think I’ve done some positive work—but it’s been a helpful tool.

As always, this is a journey I’m on, and I don’t think there will ever be a lasting destination, but I’m taking positive steps.

ii.

At the beginning of last year, I endeavored to bring positivity back into my life. I figured that positivity would breed happiness within myself. Such a simple math equation wasn’t going to shake the world, but it worked out for me. I had a long list of ideas I wanted to try out that would shape the overall structure of last year. Let’s grade them now.

• Try to recognize how I’m feeling. Don’t hide from the stress. Confront my frustrations. Consider how I react to myself and other people when overwhelmed. Try again if I slip up.

Success! This will be a never-ending process, but at least I’m starting to consider what’s going on inside my mind a lot more than I ever did before. I need to keep this one up.

• Get better at respecting the limitations I impose on my social media time.

Success! I’ve gotten this down to an acceptable level, i.e., nearly nothing. It’s had the most profound effect on my life. As much as possible, I’d like to get “nearly nothing” down to zero.

• Learn and become adept at Swift.

Failure. Learning how to program has been difficult for me. I don’t know if that’s because I’m having trouble comprehending its concepts or if it’s just not for me.

• Continue watching loads of movies.

Success! Last year, I watched three hundred and thirty-three films. It’s probably the most I’ve ever seen in a year, and I’m proud of this accomplishment; movies are an essential part of my life. I may not go for a similar number this year, but I’ll be watching a lot of interesting stories.

• Work on planning my honeymoon.

Failure. My honeymoon continues to be a victim of COVID. It’s hard to think about such a grand undertaking when there’s still such a great health risk. Since this illness will go away, I’m going to have to learn to be okay with traveling again.

• Read more fun books.

Success! What a success! Since I started tracking how many books I read each year, the most I ever achieved was twelve. Last year, I read thirty-two. Reading has always been a passion, so I’m thrilled with how this went. I attribute this number to my decreased time on social media.

• Devote more time to connecting with people on Micro.blog.

Failure. Objectively, I didn’t do well with this at all. Frankly, I don’t feel too bad about it. I love everyone on Micro.blog, but removing social media from my life means I’m missing out on half of the experience there. At this point in my life, that feels like an acceptable trade-off. In a way, this failure is also a success.

• Say yes to more things and, conversely, say no to more things.

Neutral. Honestly, we should all probably be saying no to more things. Time is precious. I’m going to keep practicing this one.

• Improve my sleep schedule.

Neutral. I don’t often feel worn out, but my increasing number of afternoon naps probably says a lot.

• Get more fresh air in my lungs.

Neutral. Not a failure, but I’d still like to spend more time outside (weather permitting).

iii.

I feel heartened by my progress with last year’s theme. I found a good direction in which to head, and I’d like to continue this positivity.

That said, there are still some aspects of my life that could use some adjusting. My focus on the areas listed above has meant that I lacked focus on other important parts. While mental health was an important consideration I was making last year, I let my physical health slip further. I may currently be in the worst physical shape of my life. Early 20s Sean would not be happy with mid-30s Sean. He’d probably also be running easy laps around my currently huffing self.

I need to adjust and fix that which has gotten out of balance.

With that in mind, I’ve decided that 2023 will be my Year of Recalibration. I will strive to improve a few key parts of my life that need to head back in the right direction. I won’t have such a long list as last year. Honestly, I think I let it get out of hand. The relatively small number of goals I’ll focus on will be enough of a challenge.

iv.

I’m going to spend my recalibration year working on these areas:

• Endeavor to lose weight.

Ideally, this will mean losing an average of a pound a week throughout 2023. If I can lose fifty-two pounds by the end of the year, then I’ll be ecstatic and proud of myself. As ever, the goal I’m setting isn’t a line drawn in the sand. I want to lose weight; the total amount isn’t the most important aspect.

• Find a satisfying job.

Many of my mental health issues stem from my lack of a reliable and healthy income. This needs to change, both for my current well-being and my future financial security. If that can be done with a job that’s also personally fulfilling, then all the better.

• Further explore the world of transcendent music.

Last year, I devoted a lot of time to watching great movies and tv shows and reading excellent books. Most of my listening time goes toward podcasts. But I also love music and would like to find more inspiring audio. If I’m going to pay so much for Apple Music every month, then I should get all I can out of the service.

• Continue to work on understanding how I’m feeling.

This should go without saying, but it’s an important reminder. I don’t want to squander what I accomplished last year by losing focus on what I feel and how I react to the world around me.

Last year has passed and another year is staring us straight in the face. It’s impossible to know what 2023 might bring us,¹ but what we can do is try to make the most out of what happens. The hopeful guidelines of my theme this year will give me a good path to start following.

Here’s to a wonderful year for us all!

i.

When all of this COVID nonsense became A Thing back in early 2020, a part of me felt like I already had it in the bag. Stay home most of the time? Distance from others and wear a mask when I do go out? Wonder why more people in the world weren’t taking it as seriously as they should? Heck yeah! Perhaps I’ve been well-suited for pandemic life this whole time and just haven’t had the opportunity to prove it. Now is the time for this introverted homebody to shine!

I think I did okay in 2020.

I wasn’t prepared for my quiet working days at home to become noisier when family members were instructed to stop going to their respective offices, but I adjusted. Moving in with my then-fiancée and then marrying her soon after helped a whole lot. I got into a groove and did all right for myself. 2020 was a success, all things considered.

2021 was a different beast.

At the beginning of the year, I resolved to understand myself better. I think I accomplished that goal, but not quite in the way I was hoping. I envisioned becoming the best version of myself that I could be.¹ Mostly, I now understand that I’m struggling. Whereas 2020 was a novelty, the following year was a whole lot more of the same. More isolation, more frustration, and more worry. It’s a lot for a person to take, no matter how much they like pajamas and staying home.

ii.

It’s been frustrating to see so many people suffer because of how a universal health emergency has been politicized, mocked, or otherwise ignored. I feel that my country led the charge in that respect, and that’s embarrassing, to say the least.

I feel sad and angry that members of my own family have refused to get the COVID vaccine (and others).

I feel disgusted that the richest people in the world have only gotten richer when so many are struggling.

I feel a sense of desperation to find a decent job that can be both enjoyable and help provide for my wife and myself.

It’s tough to avoid the myriad bad things that constantly threaten to capture my attention and make me feel lousy. News is important, but mostly sensationalized and depressing. Social media is full of algorithmically cultivated nonsense, and sometimes outright falsehoods. The worst among us also tend to be the loudest.

It’s… a lot. The anxiety, sadness, malaise, and worry I’ve felt are not uncommon. I don’t wish those feelings on anybody else, but it’s safe to say that we’re all going through some shit right now.

iii.

In the last few years, I’ve tried my hand at The Theme System. If I had to choose a theme that I wanted to follow this year, then I think it would be the Year of Just a Little Bit Happier. I think that’s a reasonable theme/goal.

I’m going to strive to be just a little bit happier this year. Sometimes I’ll fail at it and be miserable. Sometimes I’ll be far more than just a little bit happier. Regardless, on average I want to try to bring more good things into my life so that I can feel just a little bit happier than the day, week, month, and year before now. That also necessarily means that I’ll need to get better at expelling the bad from my life.

iv.

COVID-related stress and its manifestations are being studied and talked about. It’s a relief to know that I’m not alone, and if you’ve been feeling how I’ve described, know that you’re not alone either. I’m struggling and many other people are, too. That’s okay.

As for what I can do to be just a little bit happier, I’ve got some ideas:

• Try to recognize how I’m feeling. Don’t hide from the stress. Confront my frustrations. Consider how I react to myself and other people when overwhelmed. Try again if I slip up.
• Get better at respecting the limitations I impose on my social media time. Remove as many of those distractions as possible.
• Learn and become adept at Swift. I took some tentative steps down this path late in the year and I’m going to continue with it. I believe that becoming a programmer is how I’ll be able to help provide for my wife and myself.
• Continue watching loads of movies.² This has always been an activity dear to me. I shared it with my dad and I continue to watch a lot of diverse and interesting things. I’ve been enjoying them even more since finding Letterboxd.
• Work on planning my honeymoon. I’m not certain when we’ll be able to go on our European trip, but it’s still nice to think about.
• Read more fun books.
• Devote more time to connecting with people on Micro.blog. Communication on social media, even when it’s full of great people, is an exhausting practice for me. My presence anywhere online fluctuates like crazy because it can feel tough to keep up with. However, I like Micro.blog and want to become a better citizen there.
• Say yes to more things and, conversely, say no to more things.
• Improve my sleep schedule.
• Get more fresh air in my lungs.

Those all seem simple enough to accomplish. It’ll just come down to putting in the time and effort. Luckily, I’ve got many days ahead of me to practice.

I’m tentatively looking forward to what 2022 is going to bring. There could always be surprises or disasters. There could be Super COVID. An asteroid could hit the Earth. I could win a hundred million dollars. I can’t prevent those things from occurring,³ but I can choose how to respond to whatever happens. In that way, I’ll be just a little bit happier.

Let’s see how it goes.